Pantyhose!

The four year old mind never ceases to amaze me...
Owen was having 'naked time', running around the living room and shaking his booty. "Owen, put your 'naughty bits' away". (That's what we've decided to call the boy's privates. Not sure why to be honest. Sometimes, sounds almost worse than the real thing. But alas, they are now 'naughty bits'.)
"Mommy, it's my PANTYHOSE!". Silence. My wheels are spinning. I realize he is referring to the HOSE in his PANTY'S. Clever, really.
Roger has now informed me, he now refers to it as his LADYBUG. Hmmm... And I thought PANTYHOSE was bad. Now I'm scared...
The four year old mind never ceases to amaze me....

Oh, Owen...

Roger and I went to pick up the boys on Wednesday only to be flagged down by the Preschool Director. "Torva! Roger! Come here! Owen's been telling me some things..." Uh oh... Can't be good. No place to hide. I plaster a smile on my face trying to prepare myself for what she's about to say. "Owen told me this afternoon, 'Ms. Cheryl, I need to speak with you. I'm going to get a sister next September. ' I told Owen, he must be mistaken, 'No, Ms. Cheryl, her name is going to be Tasha.' " Hmmm...

The other week when Nana and Pop Pop came down for a visit, Nana was looking at a class picture of the boys on the fridge. "This picture is so cute but my favorite is still the one of Tate in the damn bucket." Owen steps in: "Nana!!! We've got a damn bucket in our living room, see?" showing her a picture of Tate on our mantel sitting in...well...a damn bucket.

Today we went to Big Lots to pick up some sand buckets for our beach trip with the boys this coming week. I asked Owen if he knew how to make a sand castle. He proceeded to tell me very seriously that you needed WET SAND to make a sand castle. Why yes, how did you know that? Silence. Owen, how did you know you need wet sand to make a sand castle? "I know that because I'm very smart".... Nuf said.

Next came a visit to Golden Corral for lunch. On our way out, we saluted a retired military officer. I asked Owen if he wanted to be a soldier when he grew up. "Well, if I'm a soldier, can I hit someone in the face with a baseball bat?????" Really? That's what you think of when you think of becoming a soldier? No, Owen, you can't hit someone in the face with a baseball bat. "Okay, I'll just hit them in the back, then..." Really??

"Diarrhea, Diarrhea"

So this week was Vacation Bible School for Owen - his first year and he loved it. Each day he had to wear a different colored shirt. They sang songs, learned dances, played games and made crafts. We were given a CD to listen to in the car to learn the songs. After day 2, Owen asked me if we could listen to the "Diarrhea Song" on the way home. Huh? Son, you must be mistaken. Attention was diverted and we moved on. The next morning we were jamming to the Jesus music on the way to daycare. "We worship you..... Hallelujah, Hallelujah!" Only in the backseat, the words were: "We worship you.... Diarrhea, Diarrhea!" Close, Owen, but not quite...
This week was also Spirit Week at school. Monday was Hat Day. Tuesday was Pajama Day and boy did I learn my lesson from last year when he was the only one who didn't show up in his PJs. My concern was the 100 degree weather. But I was sadly mistaken. Now I know - PJs no matter what the temp. Wednesday was Backward's Day. Turns out he was the only one who showed up with his clothes on backwards. Guess you can't win for trying. We got strange looks from other parents - I wanted to say: "Hey, it's Backward's Day. Who's the one who's Backwards, now? Huh? Huh? We've got Spirit, damnit, and we're proud of it!" So what should we do next year? Hide in the bushes and wait to see whether the other classmates are participating? Sounds like a plan...

No shortage

There is no shortage of embarrassing moments in the Smith household. Take Sunday, at church. I thought the congregation unknowingly singing two different hymns was funny but that was before Owen took his position in front during the Children's Message. Pastor Bill's message was that it was OK to be scared. He mentioned a large tree which had fallen during a storm which had scared him. His message was complete with rhetorical questions - of which Owen answered every....single...one. The youth group was to set out on their mission trip after the service. Pastor Bill mentioned he hoped they took care climbing ladders to fix the roofs of houses they were going to be working on, so as not to fall and "break their necks". Owen loudly proclaimed, "How will they keep their head on?" The entire room erupted. Tears were rolling down my face I was laughing so hard. Pastor Bill ended by saying, "Looks like I need to wrap this thing up!" Only Owen.
This episode was after Owen proclaimed to Nana on the phone that "Mommy was sitting on YaYa". Yes, I guess I was sitting on YaYa - I was trying to wrangle my way onto the computer and sat on his lap to gain access. Innocent, but embarrassing.
But this, tops it all... Sunday afternoon.... Father's Day.... Relaxing day outside splashing in the pool. Owen leave us to go inside and use the facilities. Roger and I and Kristen are preoccupied with Tate who's playing Naked Soccer in the front yard. "Mommy". "Mommy!" I look up to the porch. Owen is bent over, naked as a jaybird, showing us his Heinie Hole. "Is all the poop off!!?????!!!" Yes, neighborhood. That is my son up there showing you his "where the sun don't shine". And yes, Tate is still playing his Naked Soccer. Gotta love it... gotta love it.

Attention

We need to learn to stop encouraging Owen. Once he knows we're amused, he continues his actions, ten-fold. He LOVES the attention, and will do most anything to keep it. I'll admit, he's got it tough with a brother like Tate who attracts all sorts of smiles, tickles and "coo-chi-coos". It takes me 15 minutes to leave the daycare from all the people stopping me in the hallway, asking for Tate's autograph. His fans surround us as we break our way to the car, pushing and plodding our way through the swooning admirers. But I digress, and just proved my point - sorry Owen.